Moving on...
After volunteering at the TAFE I decided that perhaps there were other volunteer tasks in the community that I could be involved in so Diane found an opening for me at the local centre for people with Down’s Syndrome and I would attend 3 mornings a week and sit with anyone who wanted to use a computer and help them with very basic tasks such as writing letters, emailing or playing a game. I found this quite challenging as many of the adults didn’t have much ability to concentrate on the task (even shorter concentration spans than I felt I had after my accident) so a lot of the time was spent talking or having the person touching my wheelchair or touching me and simply wanting attention but not really achieving a task however, the Co-ordinator of the program said that whatever the people wanted to do was fine as I was helping them to be happy simply by coming along and giving them some of my time. Strangely, this situation was my first experience since my accident of me feeling like I wasn’t the receiver of the ‘care’ but that I was actually the caregiver. The roles had been reversed and this was very helpful to me as I could now see just a glimpse of Diane and Mum’s lives over the years that they had been my constant caregivers. It opened my eyes a lot and gave me a much greater appreciation for the role of caregivers.
Endeavour Foundation Training Centre.
An extension of this idea of role reversal and me focusing on others rather than only on my own daily living difficulties came from the decision we made to help as many people as we could (only limited by our financial means) around the world who had needs of all types. Some were missing a leg and needed a wheelchair, some needed life-saving surgery, some need assistance to obtain an education, some simply needed food and clothing, some needed a house made of something more than cardboard and cloth, some needed assistance with a simple health matter and some simply needed to know that someone in the world cared about them and was interested in them as a person and was willing to show them some love. The majority of the people who we’ve been able to help, we have never been able to meet face to face but I’ve had the privilege of talking to some of them on Skype and most of them via email and all of them via letters and photos. These people from all corners of the globe have become our extended family and we’ve watched little children grow into adults and become successful in a chosen career, we’ve seen sickly people have their health restored so that they could continue to provide for their family, we’ve seen farmers who struggled with their animals dying now working a farm that is able to bring in an income again, we’ve seen families who once lived in an animal barn or a burnt out tin shanty now living in homes made of bricks and mortar and working their small plots of land and selling their produce, we’ve seen children from the poorest of families attend university and achieve outstanding results and the list could be continued. All of these people who we’ve been able to cross paths with have given me a greater understanding of my own situation. After my accident, my thoughts were frequently about ‘what I had lost’ and ‘what I could no longer do’ and ‘why me’ and ‘what’s the point to living’ but as I started to see others who couldn’t walk but didn’t even have a wheelchair or crutches or someone to help them with getting dressed and some who had no access to education and yet I’d been fortunate enough to study at the TAFE and many who had no access to basic medicines or medical facilities while I had access to the very best of medical specialists and the latest mobility equipment it changed my focus from looking inwards at all of what I felt I had lost to looking outwards to what I could share with others based on what my accident and life since had taught me. I discovered that the life I had now gave me a tremendous opportunity to share with others how good their life is and not to complain or worry about the small stuff or focus on money and possessions and to be thankful every day for the ability to walk or run and feel the sand under the feet or simply to be able to stand up and stretch or access a motor vehicle without difficulty or to wake up and get out of bed without assistance and go to work and value their job and for those other people who had none of the good things that I still had in my life, this allowed me to share lessons I had learned and encourage others about ‘never giving up’ and ‘always give your best even in a difficult situation’ and ‘focus on your goals’ and most of all ‘believe that somebody cares and they see your potential’. I also learned that a smile can often be the best medicine for people I come in contact with. I might not know what they are all dealing with – maybe they are having a great day or maybe they are really struggling – I don’t need to know all the details but, if I show them that even in my situation I can still offer a smile and maintain a happy approach to my life and joke and cause them to laugh then maybe, just maybe, I have lifted their spirits or helped to lighten their load. I know that people tend to watch someone like me in a wheelchair and they often look on and think ‘poor guy – I wonder what happened to him’ – many people stare and most never bother to ask me any questions but they will ask my wife the questions and she tells them ‘ask Michael, he will gladly tell you because it is HIS story’………….but, I no longer allow myself to be that ‘poor guy’. I flipped the coin and I am now the lucky guy – the one who survived an accident that all the medics said should have killed me, the one who has had many years of life since to tackle new challenges, the one who has travelled the world and seen places I might never have visited had I never had the accident, the one who has crossed paths with amazing people who’ve only known me as the smiling, happy guy in the wheelchair. I want my years of survival to count for something and I know without any doubt that people I’ve met would all agree that ‘we admire your spirit of adventure, your love of life, your kindnesses, your wonderful sense of humour, your happy approach to each day and although we see your struggles we also see how you accept them or work hard to overcome them and all of this challenges and motivates us to be better people’. I guess I’m trying each day to make a difference to someone’s life and by so doing I have a great life even though it is from a seated position in a wheelchair. Sure, life is very challenging – very, very challenging and without my wife I know that I’d possibly still be the ‘poor guy’ saying ‘why me’ but if you can rise above that and swap the negative into a positive attitude then life in a wheelchair has a lot still to offer and I feel I have lots to offer others.
During all the years in Bundaberg I have continued to revel in my own computer world. Since I discovered the Internet my life has not been the same. Whenever I am at home, my computer is on and in a very short period of time I can travel all over the world via this marvellous electronic medium. I tracked the Space Shuttle and followed its path and when I knew it is overhead I would go outdoors and watch it pass by in the night sky; or I use my iPhone to check out the Night Sky or I download music, watch movies, play golf, race cars against people someone in the world, research all manner of topics of great interest to me and I am constantly amazed at the speed of it all – even faster in recent times and no end to what I can discover at the click of a button on the mouse. I am now able to keep in contact with my many friends worldwide via e-mail and Skype or other message/video/voice techniques and it is great to be able to have such communication as it makes the world suddenly seem within my reach despite much of it being quite inaccessible for a person in a wheelchair. The sky is the limit with this technology and each day I discover something new. My mind is sometimes more active now than it was when I was able-bodied as I have so much that I feel I can do and sometimes just not enough hours in a day to complete it all.
Using my Apple iMac G3 (2002).
In amongst the working, studying and volunteering I always had a real burning desire to travel and see more of Australia so whenever we could, we would research road trips be sure to thoroughly plan every detail regarding accessibility and accommodation and after ample planning we’d head off on a new and exciting adventure. I was never satisfied – my thirst for travel never waned. I loved every place we went – the miles of lonely roads we travelled, the isolated places we discovered, the people we met, the historic hotels we stayed at that were never designed for wheelchair users to access but we somehow made them work for us and managed to live to tell the tale, the things I saw with my own eyes that I’d previously only read about or seen on TV, the logistical challenges, the frightening moments when things were going belly up and we were asking ourselves ‘was this really a sensible idea for us to come here with a wheelchair’ and the memories of these amazing and quite incredible trips never fade. Travel is the best thing – it broadens the mind and it takes your thoughts off yourself and you simply get lost in the adventure – so my advice to anyone who has the opportunity to travel is, GO FOR IT!!!!
Minjin Swing Cairns Queensland.
Start with something small and manageable and perhaps on the less challenging side and work up to bigger and better adventures over time as you learn the potential pitfalls as each experience will help you to know more about what you can achieve with travel. The world is huge and there is so much to discover, to see and do and to learn so get out of your 4 walls and go and enjoy. It isn’t necessarily easy to travel with lots of mobility equipment but it is possible if you do good research and planning. I’m still thoroughly enjoying my travel opportunities all these years later. Now we do more of our travel via cruising than we do by road or air, as cruising is just so easy with a wheelchair. Cruising has taken me all over the world and I now have truly amazing friends on all continents – some of them work on the ships and others I’ve met whilst onshore - but all of them seem to not focus on the wheelchair – they simply enjoy the fact that I had a dream to travel and I didn’t allow a wheelchair to get in the way of the dream and all of these friends have played a big part in making my travel dreams a reality. You can read more about my amazing travel adventures on this website if that is of interest to you.
Looking down at the people guiding the ship through the lock - Panama Canal (2009).
Diane has been a real source of inspiration to me. She always encourages me to work on new things and she helps me as I learn as part of my problem with the head injury is that I need to do things numerous times before I fully comprehend the total process and with someone working alongside me I repeatedly do the task and before too long I am able to complete the exercise by myself.
The better half of my life.
In time I could even teach the concept to someone else - including my father-in-law who purchased a computer and came to me for computer tuition. He made tremendous progress so I must have taught him something!!
First student at the Bundaberg Computer Academy.
In summary, life is pretty good. Bundaberg was a good choice for us. My quality of life is so much better here in the country than in a bustling city. People have time for me and I enjoy the slower pace. The opportunity to work and the freedom to get outdoors and help in the yard or have a swim or just go for a wheel down the street and feel safe to do that has changed my world completely. Previously I lived in the concrete jungle of a huge city and I spent hours alone and staring at 4 walls and actually feeling somewhat confined, frustrated, angry and miserable about my situation and limitations and now I am comfortably busy doing anything I can do within the boundaries imposed upon me by my injuries. I consider myself to be very fortunate to have survived such a serious accident and despite all the ups and downs since then I know that I am a better person now as a result of all that I have been through than I would have been had I never had to endure so much pain and suffering. Everything happens for a reason and whilst it may have taken me many years to realise that I can honestly say now that I accept the life I have and it is simply up to me to make each day as full and enjoyable as I can. My own mental attitude and the choices I make will determine my future so I make it a rule to be positive, happy, full of laughter and fun and of course, resilient and resourceful and try always to resolve problems that are unique to my situation. There are many, many things that I can't do and I have to accept this and live with the accompanying frustrations but there are also things that I can do and I have to find and focus on these and do them to the best of my ability in order to gain real satisfaction in life. Life for me is about looking forward and never looking back with regret for what I lost in the accident. This is my ‘new’ life and I hold the power to make it a good one in a wheelchair.
Michael at McDonald's Drive-through. Diane wanted an ice-cream cone.
So, never give up - your circumstances might be very similar to mine or your journey may have just commenced and you may be feeling that you have such an uphill battle before you that you simply can't face it but remember - others have been through the very same experiences and we have survived and you will too. Just keep smiling and count each new day as a blessing. When the days are tough just ponder the fact that tomorrow is a new day and whatever it is that you are struggling to achieve today will be just that little bit easier tomorrow. To my wonderful mother, my wife and all my family members as well as those true friends who have stood by me over the years since my terrible accident which changed my life in a split second, and to my dear ‘new’ friends who have accepted me without question, I say a very deep and heart-felt thank you for your encouragement, your practical help, your prodding on the days when I just didn't want to keep going and for your empathy and compassion. I am still the same person but without the understanding of those who really care about me I would not be where I am today. I appreciate that especially for my family, life has not been easy since January, 1981 and I would encourage all family members of people suffering any similar sort of injury to stick together as it is only by helping each other through the rough patches that you will survive the tough days and come out the other side and begin to see sunshine after the storm.
My Mother - wife & myself.
Well, that is my story, in summary. I hope you have found it helpful and if you would like to share your experiences or thoughts with me or should you wish to ask me any questions then please contact me using this form.
